What do you call a cat on the beach at Christmas time? What has 34 legs, 9 heads and 2 arms? Santa Claus and his reindeer Why is Christmas just like a day at the office? What does One Direction and my Christmas tree have in common? They both have ornamental balls. What does one ho plus two ho make? Answer, a jolly Santa Who doesn't eat on Christmas? A turkey because it is always stuffed. Why did Santa send his daughter to college?
To keep her off the North Pole Why shouldn't you mess with Santa? Because he has a black belt. How do you know Arnold Schwarzenegger is waiting in line with you on Black Friday? He Jingles All The Way. What do you call Santa's helpers? Subordinate clauses Why is it always cold during Christmas? Why did Frosty the Snowman want a divorce?
Because he thought his wife was a flake. Which Limp Bizkit song do elves listen to while building toys? He did it all for the cookies! Why did Santa go to a psychiatrist? He no longer believed in himself. What do you call an obnoxious reindeer? Why was Santa's little helper depressed? Because he had low elf esteem.
The 50 best Christmas cracker jokes
Why can't the Christmas tree stand up? It doesn't have legs. What is a newborn mothers favorite song? What did Adam say to his wife on Christmas? How can you tell a family doesn't celebrate Christmas? The lights are on, but nobody's a gnome. How does santa get his Reindeer to fly? He uses Red Bull because it gives you wings! Whats the difference between the Christmas alphabet and the ordinary alphabet?
The Christmas alphabet has Noel. What do you call a gingerbread man with one leg bitten off? Limp Bizkit Name the child's favorite Christmas king? What is the popular Christmas carol in Desert? What do you call Santa living at the South Pole? What part of the body do you only see during Christmas? How does an elf get to Santa's workshop? How did Darth Vader know what Luke got him for Christmas? He felt his presents. Why did the Grinch go to the liquor store? He was looking for the holiday spirit.
What do you call people who are afraid of Santa Claus?
What do the elves cook with in the kitchen? What does Santa bring naughty boys and girls on Christmas Eve? A pack of batteries with a note saying "toy not included". What's the difference between Tiger Woods and Santa? Santa stopped at 3 ho's. What do the female reindeer do when Santa takes the male reindeer out on Christmas Eve? They go into town, and blow a few bucks. What do lawn ornaments do over winter break? Go gnome for the holidays. What do get if you cross a duck and Santa?
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What's the difference between snowmen and snowladies? How does a Jew celebrate Christmas? He installs a parking meter on the roof. What do you call a frog hanging from a ceiling?
55 Funny Christmas Jokes and Comics
Why did the snowman have a smile on his face? Because the snowblower was coming down the block. What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire? Frostbite Did you hear about the Gypsy Santa Claus? He slides down your chimney and ask "Who wants to buy a toy?
Christmas Jokes - Christmas One Liners
Silent Night I was looking out of the window this morning and said to my wife "It looks like rain dear. Why doesn't Santa clause like getting stuck in chimneys? What do you call a christmas song parody that's not funny? What do you get if you deep fry Santa Claus? Why did Santa bring 22 reindeers to WalMart with him? Because what he wanted to buy cost around 20 bucks and just in case it cost more he brought some extra doe. What do you call a can wearing a Christmas hat?
With a North Pole-roid. Why was Santa cast in a musical? Because he had stage presents presence. What do you call a fat bearded man that slides down your chimney in December? A thief that is out of shape. Why are women's breasts like a train set a kid gets at Christmas time?
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Why are Christmas trees better than Men? Even the small ones give satisfaction What do you call a sheep who doesn't like Christmas? What do you call a girl who cheats on you during the holidays? A ho ho ho bag. Why does Scrooge love all of the reindeer? Because every buck is dear to him! What's the difference between Santa Clause and a knight? One slays the dragon and the other drags the slay. Why can't you trust baked goods during the holidays?
It might be a minced spy.
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What did the snowman eat? Icebergs with chilli sauce. Where do snowmen go to dance? What kind of pizza do you order on Christmas? How many reindeer does it take to change a light bulb? One to screw in the light bulb and seven to hold Rudolph down! What do you call a blind reindeer?. I have no eye deer What happens when you use the fireplace on Christmas Eve?
What do you call cutting down a Christmas tree?
What is Lil Jon's favorite holiday? CrunkMas How does santa afford all those christmas gifts? He pimps his hos. Cause he's "Shell-Fish" What do you call a singing elf with sideburns? What vaccination does Santa Claus get on Christmas Eve?
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What do you call a scary reindeer? What does Santa suffer from if he gets stuck in a chimney? What do they sing at a snowman's birthday party?
How did Mary and Joseph know Jesus' weight when he was born? They had a weigh in a manger...
Freeze a jolly good fellow Why does Santa have three gardens? So he can 'ho ho ho'! What does Miley Cyrus have at Christmas? What do vampires sing on New Year's Eve? Auld Fang Syne Why did Santa's helper see the doctor? Because he had a low "elf" esteem! What happened to the man Register for free to read this article, or log in to your Telegraph account. We've noticed you're adblocking.
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